Don't try to make sense of this

justonemoment:

dannycarter:

russianmadness:

thefaceofbro:

jagged1:

discopeanut:

bansand:

nice gender did your mom pick it out for you

No, my dad did.

I literally scrolled past this and then scrolled back up real quick to reblog because I finally understood the joke. 

I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND

i’M LAUGHING SO HARD

HAHAHAHA oh my god

(Source: basnad)

Via Procrastination Station

literallysnokoplasm:

i really hate it when im reading a book and i picture the whole setting in my head a certain way and then the author mentions something which completely messes up the way i view the room or scene like a door on the left side instead of right or like a window which is only small instead of ceiling to floor or areas and landscapes on the road like cmon now i have to completely renovate the land in my head 

Via Procrastination Station
  • Feminists: Hey. We'd like for women to be treated as equals.
  • Society: Oh sure. You want "equality" but then you expect men to open the door and pay for meals, is that it? That's not equality! That's special treatment!
  • Feminists: Um, no not really. You don't have to open the door and pay for our meals. We can do that ourselves.
  • Society: *gasp* What? You don't want men to open doors for you? Why do you hate nice people? No wonder chivalry is dead! You'd yell at a man for just being polite and opening the door for you?
  • Feminists: No! We're just saying you don't have to do it just because we're women!
  • Society: And while we're at it, how come you don't protect male victims of abuse and rape, huh?
  • Feminists: Actually, we think it's really terrible that men are forced to stay quiet about their abuse because they're worried about not being taken seriously. It's this Alpha Male myth that causes it. Men are abused and raped and they're not helped because men are supposed to be tough and able to handle it. This also goes for men not being able to express emotions.
  • Society: Oh, so you just want men to be a bunch of pansies then, huh? You hate men for wanting to be strong LIKE NATURE INTENDED THEM TO BE. You'll be sorry when you end up married to some weak, simpering fool who likes to talk about his "feelings"!
  • Society: Also, you can't have equal rights because women aren't aggressive enough to want higher pay and stuff.
  • Feminists: HOW ABOUT YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON?
  • Society: Jesus, calm down. No need to be so aggressive.
Via A GED and a "Give 'Em Hell" Attitude

i do what i want thor

BOLD WHAT APPLIES TO YOU:

Appearance:

I am 5’4 or shorter.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I’ve had/I need braces.
I wear glasses/contacts
I’d get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercings in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.


Family/Home Life:
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.
I’ve lost a child.

Embarrassment:
I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve snorted while laughing. 
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried. 
I’ve glued my hands to something.
I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.

Health:
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve had stitches.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.

Traveling:
I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been to Canada. 
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Spain.
I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve been to Italy.
I’ve been to France. 
I’ve been to London.

Experiences:
I’ve been lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star. 
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve played spin the bottle.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve met someone in person from the internet.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.


Relationships:
I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’ve gone on a blind date. 
I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I’ve been divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.

Sexuality:
I’ve had a crush on someone of the same gender.
I’ve kissed a member of the same gender. 
I’ve had sex with more than one person at the same time.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve had sex outdoors.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I have had sex with a stranger.


Honesty/Crime:
I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school. 
I’ve witnessed a crime. 
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol:
I’ve consumed alcohol. 
I’ve smoked a cigarette.
I regularly drink.
I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.(Medication.)
I’ve done hard drugs.
I’ve been addicted to an illegal drug.

(Source: emerald-soul)

Via Procrastination Station


mattfisher:

My Sister Paid Progressive Insurance to Defend Her Killer In Court

I’ve been sending out some impertinent tweets about Progressive Insurance lately, but I haven’t explained how they pissed me off. So I will do that here as succinctly as possible. There’s a general understanding that says, “insurance companies— oh they’re awful,” but since Progressive turned their shit hose on my late sister and my parents, I’ve learned some things that really surprised me.

I’ll try to cleave to the facts. On June 19, 2010, my sister was driving in Baltimore when her car was struck by another car and she was killed. The other driver had run a red light and hit my sister as she crossed the intersection on the green light.

Read More

I pretty much logged into tumblr just to reblog this. If you’re in the US and looking for a new car insurance company, please read this. If you’re not, please read this anyway.

Via PREMIUM FISHER

Tumblr Language: A Starter's Guide

  • Person on Tumblr: FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU. JUST LEAVE.
  • Translation: You are wonderful. Something that you have just done is wonderful. I love what you do/are/said/etc. Please continue in this fashion.
  • Person on Tumblr: HJAIOERJTIOASJFIOASD WI3ROKJIOADSF IOAEJIOKJA!!!!!
  • Translation: This makes me extremely emotional. Most likely in a positive sense.
  • Person on Tumblr: WHAT IS YOUR FACE. I CAN'T EVEN.
  • Translation: You are a very attractive individual. Congratulations.
  • Person on Tumblr: THAT'S IT. I QUIT.
  • Translation: You are very talented in your given endeavor (photoshopping/fic-writing, etc). Sometimes I wonder if I could ever achieve that level of skill. Please continue what you're doing; you are an inspiration.
  • Person on Tumblr: I want to have sex with you.
  • Translation: I want to have sex with you.
Via We're on fire now

animalstalkinginallcaps:

THEY THINK THEY SHALL CROSS MY LANDS UNIMPEDED? TRUMPETING THEIR DECLARATIONS OF WAR AGAINST ONE ANOTHER WITH NO REGARD FOR THIS KINGDOM AND ITS PEOPLE?

I AM LORD SNOWEARS OF THE DAIRY CAVERNS, DEFENDER OF THE NORTH GATES, AND BY ALL THE CHEESE BENEATH THESE CASTLE FLOORS THOSE GODLESS UPSTARTS SHALL LEARN TO RESPECT THAT TITLE.

FUZZYMUZZLE, SEND WORD TO THE LESSER BARONS. THEY ARE TO MEET ME HERE BY SUNSET WITH EVERY ABLE-BODIED CUB AT THEIR DISPOSAL. QUEEN COLDNOSE AND THE MAD KING OF BERRYLAND ARE ABOUT TO LEARN WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF.


Jennifer Lawrence and first impressions:

  • Woody Harrelson: I was on my bus, and on my bus I have a yoga swing. Jennifer comes on, and she goes, 'Hi, Woody, I'm J—is that a sex swing?' Her first sentence to me.
  • Josh Hutcherson: When I got cast, she called me up for one of those five-minute 'Excited to work with you, blah, blah, blah' things. The conversation started with her saying, 'Think about a catheter going in – ouch!' and then turns into a 45-minute rant about zombies and the apocalypse.
  • Zoë Kravitz: I'd met her a few times, and she was like, 'You should come over and we'll hang out.' So I go over to her apartment, and she opens the door in a towel. She's like, 'Come in, sorry, you're early, I was about to shower.' And she drops her towel and gets in the shower, and starts shaving her legs, totally naked. She was like, 'Are we here yet? Is this OK?' And I was like, 'I guess we're there!'
Via We're on fire now

@Lily1129


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